


Escape me now

by ILoveMisha2



Series: The end [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5x04, Apocalypse, Cas' POV, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Drug Use, Endverse, Hurt, No Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, castiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:39:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2636630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveMisha2/pseuds/ILoveMisha2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas gets an unexpected visit from past Dean and doesn't have anything good to tell him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Escape me now

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: i don't own any of this jazz besides the story itself.
> 
> None of my works are beta'd
> 
> I know I've written a lot of Endverse but like i said, I'm obsessed and i have had these written before and i am just starting to upload. If you don't like my repetition of the same setting then please move along, i won't be upset promise :).

Getting high is the best escape I have now,as the smoke fills my lungs,as I light the spoon. The familiar feeling making me feel whole, even if for a few hours. It’s the end anyway, five long years of it. I still wonder how I managed to live this long, with my grace stripped.

I lay on my mat, my hand stumbling across the hard, dirty wood floor, my fingers coming in contact with each chunk of missing wood until I find what I’m looking for. The bottle of pills roll slightly away and I sigh as I successfully stretch the extra inch, soon the bottle is in my shaking hands. It feels more like my savior. I greedily rip the lid off and pop a few dry, just enough to where I can fly again. Just enough to make me forget the apocalypse, to forget Dean. Just enough to make me forget I’m not an angel anymore and that I no longer hold the stars and galaxies in my halo.

Most of the time I forget what it was to be powerful, loved, to have the universe resting in my palms . . . . The drugs make me float, as if I have the universe back and the stars and galaxies as they settle into the familiar mold of my grace.

But it doesn’t last and soon I fall again just like the first time I fell from grace,as the cold, gritty, feel of everything I’ve become and lost smothers me, that forces me to take another hit to have the smoke weigh down my lungs to keep me grounded, the bite of the needle against my raw skin to keep my heart beating, then a long swig of whiskey so I can float once more.

That’s all this life has become now. Drugs and sex to keep me floating, it’s all I am now.

When we go on raids I rarely go sober, but that doesn’t worry Dean anymore, not like it used to. Our fearless leader is exactly that, fearless and careless. I don’t like to think of what the end and Sam saying yes to Lucifer did to him.

We no longer walk in harmony, we’re more like two meteorites heading opposite directions but aimed at the same destination. We used to both sit on the edge of Orion’s belt, content with the danger because of the company.

We barely speak now.

I know he hates me, for everything I have become, for falling.

I know he wishes that instead of me trying to gaze at the stars with him that I’d choke on one instead.

He liked me better when I was an angel, he even loved me then.

It must be the multitude of drugs mixed with the whiskey talking, floating through my brain like the Milky Way. I laugh at myself and I choose to believe out of sarcasm, but deep down I know it’s self-pity.

I might have had the galaxies once before, but I know now that I would rather have the earth. Dean was the earth to me,it was all for him, all the choices I made. He was my light when the darkness became too much, just like it is right now, but my light is long gone. I take another pill, maybe that will bring my light back.

I drift in and out of consciousness, I can feel the drool down my chin and the sweat that clings to me.

Soon I hear footsteps that are cautious but strong. I’d know those steps anywhere, even through my haze, even though I haven’t heard them in five years.

It’s Dean, past Dean, even I don’t need my grace to sense that. I’d know him from anywhere.

The light he held inside was so bright, his soul used to be what kept me whole. I strain to open my eyes, I bet they're not the same blue he loved so much. I bet they're muddy and glazed,not crystal like he wishes they were.

It only shames me for a moment before I remember he’s the one who gave up the moon in the sky to dance around the sun, burning too hot for him to conquer.

I lay there sprawled out, barely there as he sits next to me, angry. I know his anger is in place just to hide his sadness. A sadness his future self no longer clings onto or presents in ungodly hours.

A simple “Cas” escapes his lips. It’s like a shooting star, so beautiful to see but disappears to fast.

I like past him, I don’t know if he’s real but right now I don’t care. I need my light, my earth, the stars and galaxies.

I know they all came from him now.

He picks up a needle and stares in disgust before he throws it across the room in rage, it shattered in seconds, just like we did years ago. His head falls into his waiting hands, I hear a mumbled “Dammit Cas” and I haven’t heard that in so long, I wonder idly if I’m dead. Even the pain in his voice sounds sweet to me.

I smile soon realizing my eyes have shut. A simple question pushes itself free from his lips.

“Why are you doing this?”

I’m afraid to speak for the fact that if I do,he might dissolve into the shadows of my mind and I’ll lose my light again. He yells it this time, eyes searching for something, some emotion to hold onto. I whisper the only answer I’ve had for the past five years.

“Why not?”

I’m sure I’m barely able to be understood but somehow he does. He sits me up against the wall,still looking angry and lost.

I can’t help but smirk, that he’s actually here, that he’s showing emotions instead of blank careless stares his future self gives. He shakes me roughly once. His eyes are pleading, trying to pull a better answer from me, maybe one that will hurt less. But like I said, my universe was gone, I didn’t have answers anymore.

Instead I say “I miss you” and the tear that escapes and trickles down his cheek solemnly as a hug is pursued makes my light shine brighter than ever.

The reason he’s the Dean he is in the future of now is because he couldn’t let this, our profound bond, go. He refused to sprinkle the star dust down the river of our lives to float away, just like I did.

Then he asks the question I’ve been avoiding since this whole apocalypse mess came down on us, since I turned into this.

“Who did this to you Cas, turned you into this?”

My answer hurts on the way out, the truth really does sting.

“You”

I wonder if in that moment I shattered his universe, if his sun died out as all his stars fell to their death.

I wonder if he’s trying to find some way to float now as he looks so shocked and defeated.

I wonder if all his shooting stars have gone black as he doesn't refuse the truth, not this time.

I wonder if the galaxies no longer held their magic for him as he hugs me tighter and whispers promises and apologies as if each one will piece back together his universe. It never pieced back mine so why should it his.

I'm going to die in the morning, as future Dean will send me to my death.

He tells us we're just decoys for the Croats. He doesn't know i know the truth and i want to keep it that way so i can pretend that somehow he still cares as much as his past self would've.

So i can pretend he'll feel regret and heartache for sending his once upon a time best friend to his final breaths that will grant Dean the forgiveness he deserves.

Maybe, when we're dead, we'll be able to find a new universe together.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it, reviews????


End file.
